If there is truly one thing that I hate about my job it's watching people having affairs. As a lifelong employee (so far) of the hospitality industry I'd like to reach out and tell everyone who is having an affair, we know, we all know, and even when you try to hide it, we still know. You stick out like a red chili pepper on a plate full of vanilla cheesecake.
You see, the thing is, I have learned throughout my career that whenever someone is up to no good they try and "act normal" and the more that someone who is guilty of something tries to act normal the more ABNORMAL they look. Arriving in separate cars, nervously looking around as you enter the building, sitting in the quietest corner, staggering what time you both leave, and always insisting on paying in cash and never on card are all signs that something isn't quite normal. Can I just give you guilty readers a word of advice here, no one, and I mean no one who is in a none affair relationship is as all over the person they are with as much as the affair relationship. When you have to sit on each other's lap, often unable to peel your gaze away just to order a drink, or sit madly making out in the corner of the room like the world is about to end and you're on some kind of pre-apocalyptic time schedule. As bad as it sounds no one else is THAT in love.
The thing about our job, however, is that its part of our professional integrity to be discreet at all times, meaning that we have to turn a blind eye, because at the end of the day and as shallow as it sounds it's not our business to out people having affairs and unfortunately as long as they pay their bill and act in at least a semi-decent manner there is absolutely nothing we can do. You know they are having an affair, some of them even know you know they're having an affair, and yet you must treat them exactly the same as any other customer.
Sometimes however, that's harder to do for some people than others. One of the first experiences I ever had dealing with an affair couple, (sadly one of very very many over my eleven years) was an old man who was cheating on his disabled wife. Unbelievably, he brazenly used to bring his wife into the restaurant on a Sunday for a Sunday roast, and his lover in for a meal and drinks during the week. He would brazenly smile at the staff knowing full well that no one could say anything to him. This in itself used to annoy me, his wife was so sweet and gentle, and he was so nasty to her. On a couple of occasions I witnessed him snap at her, and snatch things, if for example, she struggled to read something on the menu, he would rip it from her hands and proceed to berate her in front of us. If she dropped something such as one day her fork, he embarrassed her by causing a scene and telling her she was clumsy and useless. One day the old lady left her reading glasses on the table and I chased after them when I discovered the glasses as a relayed the table for the next guests. I ran outside and searched the car park, I discovered her husband beating her still in her wheelchair beside their car. I asked the lady if she was ok and begged her with my eyes to tell me she wasn't so I could get help. He snapped that everything was fine and snatched the glasses from my hand, he caught himself, straightened his coat, and said to me with a menacingly false smile "Thank you for bringing those to us, my wife would have discovered they were missing once we got home". Although it is wholly unprofessional to admit I hated this man. I told my duty manager it was BFG on that day, but he told me that unless the lady asked us to intervene there was nothing we could do, I was internally heartbroken.
This went on for the best part of four or five years until one day towards the end of my time at this particular restaurant I couldn't take it any longer. The old man came in with his lover and sat at their usual table, they giggled like teenagers as they sat canoodling for hours, this particular day had been tough with a myriad of things going wrong, staff shortage, extra busy due to the time of year etc and the old man had done his usual speaking to me like dirt and even clicking at me when he wanted something.
Sidenote: If you ever feel the need to click your fingers at another human being like they are some kind of servant, stand up, go home (wherever that is for you but likely under a rock), and remain there for the rest of your natural life because you are not fit to be out in society.
As I came towards the man's table he barked at me "John Smiths", seizing on his rudeness and by this point unable to hold my tongue after this weekly occurrence for the last four or five years, internally pausing and picturing the man beating his wife in the carpark that I had witnessed months earlier I said, "and a tonic water, ice no lemon?" The "lover" looked at him confused and stumbled blushing slightly, before saying "No, she always had a merlot" I knew this, the empty wine glass was on the table in front of her and I ordered it by default every week, but this time I had a point to prove. "Oh, yes, that's right, silly me! That's what your WIFE orders when she comes here with you isn't it!". The man's face fell and he went beetroot red, the "lover" also looked stunned and began to blush. By this point, I didn't care, and if he made a complaint and got me fired then so be it, I couldn't take being used as a pawn in the game he played every week, and while many might say it was none of my business which was true, there are some things that even the most professional, calm and polite of us can't handle. The couple sat there in stony silence, swirling their drinks uncomfortably for the next half hour or so, the man went to the bar, paid his bill and they left their drinks on the table.
They had gone, and interestingly enough the man continued to bring his wife for the next six months or so, I presume because she loved it so much and still requested to come, and providing her with a convincing excuse would have been harder than just bringing her for her roast dinner on a Sunday. One day I was told she had deteriorated and passed away which made me feel quite sad, but from the day I stood up to the old man never again did he return with his lover.
I am not particularly proud of my actions on that day, and I have turned a blind eye to many, many affairs over the years, even to people who bring their lover during the week and their spouse and children on the weekend - another particularly hard thing to swallow for servers and managers in restaurants. However it was seeing how the man treated his wife, snapping at her, snatching things, and the day I caught him hitting her that made me snap, the worst part was he knew that I knew everything, he knew I knew he was having an affair, he knew I was the only one that had seen him beating his wife, and he wasn't even humble in the way he treated the staff who were keeping his secrets. Although as I say I am not proud, I don't regret what I said.
It doesn't bother me if it doesn't bother you!
As I have said in a previous blog post, you have to learn how to let people down when they start flirting with you and asking you out. One particular sleaze ball always sticks in my mind though, he was an airport employee and I was still nineteen. He had perched himself at the bar and been drinking there for a few hours, making the effort to talk to me when I came closer to his part of the bar. At first, he seemed harmless enough and was just a friendly fellow, making an effort to talk to the young bar lady, however as the afternoon turned to early evening he became a little more forwards with his wording. He told me I looked beautiful, I laughed and thanked him for being careful not to say anything in return. He complimented my drink-making skills, complimented my accent, and complimented my figure... That's when I knew where this was going...
As I wiped down the bar after a sudden rush of customers and put various items back where they should be, the man leaned over the bar and gestured for me to move towards him. "You know, I really like you," he said "I want to take you out" This was the first moment that I had truly given him my attention and as he rested his chin in the palm of his left hand I immediately clocked the ring. "Thank you," I said politely "But isn't that a wedding ring on your finger?" I asked pointedly, knowing full well it was a wedding ring but wanting to bring his attention to it too. "Hey, it doesn't bother me if it doesn't bother you," he said winking at me and placing his phone on the bar with the contacts page open "It bothers me A LOT" I said firmly leaning back towards him. He houghed at me, darting his eyes sarcastically to one side, and said "well your loss then" before struggling up from his bar stool and storming towards the front door "Oh I don't think it is" I said under my breath as I watched the door close behind him.
Things I learned from these experiences:
There are some people who have absolutely no shame and will think nothing of using you in their deception.
Although not advisable from a career perspective, standing up to someone feels great especially when you've suffered their manner for years.
Married men hitting on me bothers me a lot, but watching the rejected person's ego take a hit is secretly fun.
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